| (no subject) |
[Jan. 24th, 2008|05:19 pm] |
|
livejournal, i miss you. |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Dec. 22nd, 2006|12:07 am] |
|
I'll be at the airport in six hours, on the plan in nine hours, and IN ARUBA in fourteen hours!
LOVE AND MISS YOU ALL!
(See yah in two weeks baby!) |
|
|
| i want need have to have more. |
[Jul. 27th, 2006|12:34 am] |
|
That feeling of indescribable beauty, love and a filling in the air so full of life you don't want to exhale for that fear of losing it all. Or not being able to have the feeling you did before. Your laughter fills my ears with ballroom dances and an infinite supply of adventure. Your eyes show me the way to your heart with no dead ends. Your smile keeps my heart beating with love;life;beauty and cannot help but make me smile. Your touch, however gentle, excites all the atoms in my body. Your kiss is our endless love pouring into one another. The connection of one to another goes further than holding hands; tighter than a fist and stronger than a hard grip. It can only be described with the right kind of words. You cannot have too many for fear of repeat or topic change. You cannot have too few for fear of incorrect interpretation or not understanding (unless of course it's 'I love you') Being in the same room together; you can feel it. Feel this connection a million miles away. You can feel it all over your body, it's calling out to you; a want / a need. You surrender to it with pleasure and let the rest flow like a quiet stream. When you step into a room your smile, your brightness lights up filling everyone and everything with something so powerful and so strong it is unbearable. I'm still waiting for the right words, the right day, the right mood, the right sound, the right place to come. That's when it'll happen. I promise it will be as spectacular as a scene from a great love story and as original as I can think of. It'll be the most perfect day. With the most perfect words. With the most perfect person. Baby, I can't wait. |
|
|
| don't make me shoot my love into your heart. |
[May. 14th, 2006|06:56 pm] |
When you walk outside and it's raining but you havn't felt this warmth in a long time, you'll know.
When you look around for your sunglasses, you'll know.
When your pool opens, you'll know.
When talk of summer love and summer flings are floating around the halls, you'll know.
When trips to the fair and wonderland fill your days and nights, you'll know.
When late night drives with the windows down and the music up is what you look forward to, you'll know.
When you lie on a blanket on the grass staring up at the stars, you'll know.
When you have time to be with the ones you love and you have all the time in the world, you'll know.
When you stay up late with that boy, holding hands, staring into eachothers eyes, smiling, just being together, you'll know.
You'll know that summer has finally arrived and everything will be okay. Actually, more than okay. Everything will be amazing and wonderful and everlasting. This is when the flowers bloom, the smell is just right, you actually want to be outside and love and beauty is in the air. The clouds, the sun and the stars are what you wake up to and fall asleep to. This is the time of happiness. I've waited ten months for these two months of magic and I think it's going to be everything I expected; maybe more.
This feels so right. You know when you're just sitting there, holding hands, looking at eachother with smiles that are having their own conversations? You just know. That's it. There's no thinking involved, there's nothing that you have to figure out in order to be happy and there's no complex math equation that must be solved to feel this way; it just is. And it feels like it's been forever, the way we're connected and the way we talk and laugh and smile. Nothing has ever felt like this. |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Apr. 6th, 2006|01:14 pm] |
|
I'M LEAVING FOR EUROPE TODAY !!
I AM RIDICULOUSLY EXCITED AND HAPPY !!
I'LL BE GONE FOR TEN AMAZING DAYS !!
I'LL MISS YOU ALL; LOVE YOU !!!!!!
...sorry, i'm just really excited!! |
|
|
| "It's too late to put up your holy front now" |
[Feb. 22nd, 2006|06:58 pm] |
| [ | music |
| | union city blue - look where being mean has got you | ] |
It's funny how I find I'm in this situation yet again; the only difference? it's with a different person. I knew it would have to end like this. You're just..so annoying I can barely stand to look at you anymore without wanting to run in the other direction, arms flailing, screaming for someone to save me. Well, maybe it's not that bad. And maybe your friends don't understand why I feel this way, but it's obviously because you are not me, and you can't even pretend to know what's going on. And maybe you don't understand why I feel this way. Here, let me explain this for you. Where do I begin? Well, let's start off at the beginning. You were, well you were you not me. You had your own thing going on and it was cool. At this point in time we weren't friends, and I think I liked it that way. Then grade 11 started and so did our friendship that grew strong a little too quickly. That's when it happened. That's when the old you died and something so horrible, so unimaginable, so unpredictable, so judgmental, so defensive and just so everything I dislike took hold of the old you. The battle was on and I'm sure we can all guess who won. Yeah folks, that's right, everything I dislike took over your body and manipulated everything you've done and everything you were and everything you worked hard to be. You were replaced. At first I didn't even notice the change until it became so visible I had to wear a pair of heavy duty sunglasses. But those sunglasses have long broken and I can't seem to find ones to hide you now. I'm not too sure what I'm going to do about it. Maybe sooner or later I just won't be able to keep it inside of me for much longer, and I will explode in your face and then you'll explode in mine (because you are a defensive, fiesty little girl that takes everything way to seriously and can't listen to one persons point of view, because your way of thinking is the only way..) and we will no longer be friends. For how long? Hmm..I really don't know. Do I care? Hmm..I don't care if you won't listen to what I have to say and I won't care if you don't admit that you have totally taken over who I am. I don't feel like an individual anymore. People are saying that we are alike and it creeps me out. I was unique on the inside and outside. But boy, oh boy, you learned who I was all too fast and then started to become me, kind of like a dog learning a new trick. You started off not being able to jump over the bar but now you can not only jump over the bar, you can go and bitchslap the dog after you because you know you're better. Let me sum this up. You were a prep, now you're not. You had long hair, now you don't. You had your own personality and style, now you have mine. You are defensive. You are annoying. You think you're always right. You judge people way too much. You're just a bitch and I'm so sick of your shit. I mean, don't get me wrong. You have had your good days, but that doesn't make up for 1/4 of the days where I just want to punch you right in the face. Well, this was fun and I'm glad I got that off my chest. I'm sure you'll read this and wonder if it's about you...and yes, it probably is. And maybe I'll regret this and maybe I won't. And maybe you'll forgive me and maybe you won't. And maybe I'll care and maybe I won't.
OH and I absolutley hate it when people sing in front of me (when they're trying to sound good) it makes me feel awkward and uncomfortable. So please refrain from letting your vocal chords explode in my presence..kthanks. |
|
|
| She grabbed my arm firmly with both hands, which hurt almost as much as the slap across my face. |
[Nov. 18th, 2005|10:40 pm] |
| [ | music |
| | blue october - calling you | ] |
Well; it's been quite some time, hasn't it;
It's hard enough not knowing which road to walk down or which journey to take, but, do you want to know the hardest part? Finding someone who will be willing to walk with you. No matter what. Now that's hard. Friendships seem to be getting harder to keep up with; seem to be becoming a hassle rather than something you look forward to. I really can't think of the last time my mom yelled 'Michelle telephone!' How about we stop talking about getting together and actually get together. Sorry.
I don't believe they can make movies without kissing being involved in some way. It's rather pathetic. All these movies and TV shows are just so damn sad. They make me cry every time. Even cartoons!! I swear; I was watching Finding Nemo (not the first time) and I cried. These boyfriend/girlfriend/falling in love (or just plain sad) movies are killing me. They make me want a boy every time. Well I suppose that leads me into my next blurb..
Older men are so attractive! And I'm sure my friends have been hearing enough of that..and no I'm not disgusting or gross. I'm just..different? Maybe it has something to do with maturity or their personality or something else. I have no idea.
God; is winter here already? I'm freezing and I refuse to get out of bed in the morning. Yeah; winter's definitly here and I love everything except for how it's cold all the time. But I'll stop complaining since in the summer you want winter and in the winter you want summer - it's a never ending cycle I suppose.
Sorry this is long but! I'm recruiting scrapbookers!! It's a lot of fun and I only know of Rebekah that does it so if you want to start scrapbooking (like Aly!) then let me know! We could hold a monthly scrap fest thing with food and fun and .. scrapbooking? :) sweet!
A deserted beach at dawn was the perfect place to nurse my feelings of desolation, to let them trot out a little bit, like a kid plays with the breaking waves, then pull them back inside for another close inspection. |
|
|
| When our eyes connect, this miracle smile lit up his face & I practically had a religious experiance |
[Oct. 9th, 2005|06:54 pm] |
And it was like we watched the most amazing movie; but couldn't remember a thing.
And it was like we held hands; but couldn't feel anything.
And it was like we've known eachother for ages; but couldn't remember one memory.
And it is like we're falling apart; but we're right beside eachother.
I need s o m e o n e, not a n y o n e. It's been too long and I miss it more and more each time I watch a chick movie, or see couples holding hands and sharing secrets. I need you but I just don't know where to look. I hate this feeling.
School and everything have been going good lately. I've made a new BFF - Aly :) It's kind of amazing and ironic how we've known eachother for so long but never really knew how alike and how much fun we have with eachother. When we're together we actually laugh non-stop and have such a crazy fun time. Thanks dahling.
On a crappy note I feel like all my friendships have been shifting and they just don't feel the same anymore. I don't laugh as much, smile as much, talk as much when I'm with you. I'm frustrated and confused - come back and help me out? Play-date?
The States (minus the people there), Shopping, Aly's, ValueVillage, Deanna's, Farm, Black Hole, Aly's scary ghost picture and everything have made me happy.
&& don't even remind me of how much I've missed you. Missed us. |
|
|
| I love to remember when we were together - not because I want it back, but because it is part of us. |
[Aug. 24th, 2005|07:25 pm] |
I love to read more than anything in the world. Reading is my sanctuary and words can't even describe the feelings you feel from a book. It's like you follow along on all of the adventures the character is going through as well. You're right there when she gets slapped by her mother for coming out, when two people realize after years that they've loved eachother, and everything their mothers don't know. It's more indepth, creative and detailed than a movie will ever be and sometimes you just can't put the book down.
I just finished the book Keeping You A Secret and basically cried for the last (at least) five chapters. It was the most amazing book (well one of them at least) I suppose this is why I'm rather pissed that I didn't get the job at Chapters, now I have to go and send my resume out everywhere.
You whisper something to me, and when your lips brush against my ear, all the atoms in my body start vibrating, as though I'm a harp and every single one of my strings has just been plucked at the exact same time.
P.s - This summer has been more than magical; and it's not nearly done. It's gone by fast but now that I'm not doing anything for the next two weeks I'd like to be with friends that I havn't seen much. Give me a shout will ya? |
|
|
| It's been six years of strategic avoidance and social discomfort. |
[Jul. 26th, 2005|06:31 pm] |
It's been eventful & confusing & hysterical & beautiful & fun & hilarious & funny & crazy & delightful & sad & over-crowded & lonely and I've loved every minute of it.
It's funny how you don't realize how much you care/ depend on/ need/ want someone or something until it's gone. But hey; at least in the end it does open up your eyes and you realize what an idiot you've been. Until you start re-analysing everything and then it all becomes one jumble of nothing and you just want to forget about everything but you can't and it comes back even harder when you try to not think about it. So I may not be making sense to you but it makes sense to me and I think the way things end up working out always sucks..but only for a little while, then things brighten up or at least the sun starts to make its way out from behind that dark cloud and you finally decide to open your eyes and feel the warmth come back to you.
Yeah; something like that.
P.s - Being a counsellor has been so much fun and I've met and made so many crazy cool cats but it's actually really/extremely sad knowing that I'm probably never going to see some of them again, and if I will it won't be until next summer if they or I do decide to go back. Friggin love them all!
P.p.s - I can't wait till I'm off to Simone's cottage on Friday. It's going to be a blast times a billion so I'll see all you hot-teas when I return. Loves. |
|
|
| It's hard when you're lonely, and even harder when you're with strangers. |
[Jul. 3rd, 2005|09:31 pm] |
|
Basically..I'm an idiot. I get bored way too easily and I change my mind constantly. I think maybe I just expect more or maybe even less and when it hits me I cannot handle it or accept it. Maybe inside I really do want it but something/I just keeps pushing it away and I don't even know why. I don't want to have to think about you or worry about you or wonder about you or touch you or kiss you..but I do. Maybe I'm over-thinking and over-reacting or something like that but I just really don't know why I'm feeling this. Well; actually I do. But it's too complicated and too much and too long for tonight. Let "this" pass. I'm sure things will be fine soon..
On a different note I've had quite the exciting past few days. I need to be with my friends more; I love them way too much to only see them a few times this summer. Plenty of playdates coming up?..Yeah I think so.
Once again you are out there, out in the no where corridor with no one. Well, you are there, arn't you, so you are not quite with no one. Never alone if you are with yourself, isn't that right? And in the end, and the beginning, and all the days in between, isn't that really what it is anyway? That you are with yourself, alone. People are nearby, infront of your face or working shoulder to shoulder or whatever it is, but they are never ever really with you, are they? Nearby, that's the best they can ever be. Not their fault. Nobody's fault. Just the impossibility of it, is all. |
|
|
| This summer holds many promises but little solutions. |
[Jun. 23rd, 2005|07:15 pm] |
For some reason I like to push everything I want away from me, like it's some sort of game; just to see how long the other person will stay with me or put up with me. I don't know why I do it..maybe I like it? maybe its become a habit? I can't even stop it. I tell myself I won't do this next time but I always do. And the worst part is that they actually put up with all of my shit. I'm doing it right now actually. Right this very second. I'm a horrible person that doesn't deserve anyone or anything. And no; I'm not looking/expecting sympathy from you. Sorry lads&gents.
Hopeless? maybe.. Heart-breaking? hope not.. Satisfactory? not at all..
P.s - my allergies are actually killing me. I've never felt this bad.
P.p.s - I still like the Backstreet Boys. |
|
|
| There's nothing but silence in the room. Uncommon silence the kind you can't create by being silent. |
[Jun. 13th, 2005|07:59 pm] |
I don't know what I'd do without music. It can change your mood and the way you feel and the way you move in a second. As soon as you hear that first beat, you get engulfed in sounds that make you smile and sing along and act all crazy and just let loose. It's kind of the same with people. Their tone of voice and how they present themselves. People have such a variety; just like music. They can make you laugh and cry and smile. Music and people can make you feel things; they make you f-e-e-l. They have so much power over us, they make us who we are but, without us they are nothing. It's a never ending circle of love and hate. I don't know if I like giving people that much power over me and how I feel; I do though, love the feeling of laughter and I can't do that by myself (well..I suppose I could) but it's not the same; nothing's ever the same no matter how much you say and want it to be. It just doesn't work that way; so sorry boy. It's never enough. And I don't think it ever will be. But you already knew that; you just havn't accepted it yet.
-Kinda funny how I went from one topic to another...eh well.
( Yeah, just like that ) |
|
|
| You were not alone all that time. You were lonely. |
[Jun. 6th, 2005|04:36 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | cheerful | ] |
| [ | music |
| | circa survive - stop the fucking car | ] |
It's been awhile since you've come around. And it's been awhile since you've given me a hug. And it's even been awhile since I've heard "hey Michelle" and I turn around with a smile because you're voice is so unique and soft. I don't think I remember your voice anymore, I don't think I remember your face anymore, I don't even think I remember you anymore. This isn't goodnight this is goodbye.
It's been quite the eventful weekend. I loved it and I hated it at the same time. I don't understand why people care so much about such useless things, such unimportant things. At least right now, at our age. People should stop and re-think everything they're going to do, and all the pain they're going to end up going through. Save yourself, and everyone else around you the heartache. I may feel bad for you, but I surely don't feel sorry for you. I loved it because I was with wonderful/amazing people. I love my friends dearly.
I'm sure if we got lost in a maze and we couldn't make any kind of noise or send out any kind of communication, we'd find eachother. Because you can always find love.
( Music Banquet ) |
|
|
| Lock up your children and avert your eyes. |
[May. 29th, 2005|09:16 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | jolly-good! | ] |
| [ | music |
| | the honorary title - everything i once had | ] |
First off:
Happy Birthday to my Mom! (Monday May 30th) Deanna! Brooke! Barry! (Friday May 27th)
I had quite the weekend. It went as follows:
Friday - I went to on Deanna's bus and I love it very much. We were standing up with no hands and the bus driver was swirving around. We're such little kids. When we got there Josh came over. He's quite comical and silly. He tore my pants apart, they're distroyed. Thanks Josh, thanks. Deanna and Josh started this combat thing. They were actually killing eachother. It was soo funny to watch, I was dying. We found a garabge bag filled with super sticky foam patches and I stuck one on Josh's hair (he even bent his head down to let me do it..what a tard) Then it was stuck (obviosly) and he was having quite the time getting it out. He was all teary eyed. I laughed soo hard, it was beautiful. Deanna even made a video of it, it could/should win a prize. After Josh left Deanna, Todd, her mom and me all went out to Boston Pizza for some grub. Mmm, tasty goodness. Then we went walking around and gave people their eggs back and lay in the road and did silly stuff. Good, good times.
Saturday - In the morning I sadly had to clean but it wasn't that big of a deal. Later on I went to Brooke&Barry's "cocktail" party. I must say, it was quite lovely. There was sushi and all this amazing vegetarian food. It was actually to die for. Everyone was all fancy and pretty. We jumped on the trampoline (in our skirts!), played Catch Phrase, murder wink (which I terribly suck at), drank punch and more. Brooke looked stellar..oh boy, if only I was Alex! ; ) Me and Jasmine bonded and we drank a lot and then went on the trampoline and peed ourselves multiple times. All in all it was a sure rad time. Thanks Brooke, you're a doll.
Sunday - My mom wanted to go to Medieval Times for her early birthday outing, so we did! It was soo much fun. We were cheering for the black&white knight..which made me oh-so happy. Me and my dad were joking around the whole time, and I was yelling the most random stuff. "KILL HIM! CUT HIS THROAT" "DRAG HIM BY THE HORSE" etc. etc. Me and my dad kept saying stuff starting with the "Wouldn't it be funny if..." we were saying the stupidest shit; so funny. When our knight won an event he got a bunch of flowers to throw to people in his section and I ended up getting one. I was soo excited and happy. I felt so cool and special! The dessert at the end was to die for but the soup actually made me gag. Medieval Times is killer; I love it!
Such a fun-filled weekend, and next weekend is looking pretty awesome too!
p.s - my mom won't let me go see Streetlight Manifesto which makes me really mad/sad. We got into a huge argument about it. She can be stupid sometimes. I love them and want to see them oh so bad.
p.p.s - you make me smile more than you'll ever know. |
|
|
| It is mad cacophonous noisy on the inside. You have no idea what the outside shows. |
[May. 23rd, 2005|07:23 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | dandy-good. | ] |
| [ | music |
| | circa survive - meet me in montauk | ] |
This long weekend brought upon plenty of laughs, a lot thinking and some good times.
On Friday I went on Sarah's bus and when we got into her house, it was, strange seeing everything and remembering all the good times we had. Then we went out for a stroll around the block and wound up at a park, two parks actually. She was on the tire and I was sitting on her, squishing her little brains out. She said she couldn't breathe and I was laughing so hard. Then we talked some more, laughed some more, then headed back home. We decided to prank call some fast food chains and random (hehe) peoples numbers. We laughed SO hard. Then I sadly had to depart.
I left for my Nanas on Friday night. My bed there is so comfy. I love it. I was home alone pretty much all saturday. I went to Value Village for a good three hours and got some neat tees. I curled my hair all funky cause I was bored. My brother was at a party near there and I decided to drop in and I fired a paintball gun three times. It releaved some of my tension. Then I was talking to the dad (Charlie) and he said I should go out and volunteer or get a job to meet a nice boy. It was actually quite comical. He went on for awhile and I got the urge more than once to tell him I was a lezbian to make him stop, but he was indeed smiling so I didn't want to ruin his fun.
I left my Nanas on Sunday morning. Me and my mom went to Fairview Mall where I found Brooke's ever-so lovely gift. Me and my mom actually had a conversation in the car. It was pretty good. I don't remember the last time we had one of those. I mean me and my mom talk (obviosly) but this was a conversation. Then when I got home I had to do my impact wheel which took me so long. I hope I get a decent mark. Me and Deanna were pretty damn bored. I phoned her at like, one in the morning. It was funny.
Today Ryan came over. He's such a funny/silly kid. We were laughing pretty much the whole time. We went on a nature trail walk and made a pit-stop at a park. He has dead hair and pasty legs, he also needs to wash his clothes tonight because of all the drool, he's extremely ticklish and I know he'll be good in the sac one day. Man, I love that kid! All in all it was a pretty lovely good day.
Tuesday is school. Not looking forward to it at all. |
|
|
| navigation |
| [ |
viewing |
| |
most recent entries |
] |
| [ |
go |
| |
earlier |
] |
| |
|
|
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
polaroidcrush's journal
and I love the people I spend my days with.